


If you get my heart, will I get yours?

by Morathi_Cain



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-23
Updated: 2011-10-23
Packaged: 2017-10-24 21:24:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/268047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morathi_Cain/pseuds/Morathi_Cain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik visits Charles after the incident at the beach.<br/>All he wanted was to confess his love, be with Charles ... all he ever wanted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If you get my heart, will I get yours?

„If you get my heart, will I get yours?“

At the beach, during this whole mysery, something had broken inside of Erik. Was it his reason? Was it his heart? His love?  
No, his love was still alive, but now it was burning him. 

Charles till now had somewhat of a calming effect on him, was it now the opposite? To be rejected, to know Charles disapproved him killing Shawn, it broke something. And since he knew his beloved one was paralyzed, probably because of him, he couldn’t think straight anymore.

They had never been lovers, the time they had was too short, being gay almost equally unwanted in society as being a mutant. Not that Erik had cared, but at first he thought he would be away soon and later he was sure they would have more time together. Plus, what would Charles say?  
He seemed to love everyone equally, why should Erik be a special one to him?  
And if he would have loved him, wouldn’t he have tried to hold him back at the beach? Or even go with him? But he just looked at him with these bright blue eyes and sent him away.

Calm to the outside world Erik burned inside with rage, sadness and hatred. To see, how this little human girl ran to Charles, hugging him, moving him too much, just made it worse. So instead of helping Charles and disappearing after this, he just disappeared, taking away the best friend of Charles , holding back the wish, the urge to destroy ... something, anything ... someone.

This wish didn’t disappear, it changed, somehow it even grew. As soon as he got to know about Charles’ condition he felt how guilt AND satisfaction raised inside of him at the same time.   
Guilt, because he had left the man he loved dying at a beach somewhere in the middle of nowhere. On the other hand it seemed his wish to take revenge on Charles for rejecting him was fulfilled!

He never wanted to hurt Charles before. He never thought he could even hurt him at all!  
But he also never thought of the possibility of Charles rejecting and betraying him as a lover, a friend and even as a mutant ally.  
This man always behaved as if he knew everything, as if his opinion was the best, the ultimate and he himself was too. He was too peaceful, too quiet, too much of a professor.   
Erik loved all of these parts of Charles, but to know the all-mighty Charles Xavier wasn’t untouchable was satisfying.   
He wanted to break the holy shell of the professor and get to know more of the human, not the mutant.   
Besides, his wish to hurt this man was still there. Somewhere deep inside of him.

So now here he is. 

Charles is more quiet than usual.   
The kids outside of their room are shouting, too loud. But not even Alex is able to break the door. Erik pinned them all to the wall on the opposite side of the room with his abilities.

No one should come inside. They should be quiet, damnit!

He is worried enough. Charles is so quiet, he doesn’t even look at him. Only sits there in his wheelchair at the table. The chess game is placed between them, but they are pausing for quite a while now. It’s Charles’ turn, but he just doesn’t move. He’s a little pale, isn’t he?

“Charles, hey, are you alright?”

Erik stands up and steps beside his beloved one. He touches his face at both cheeks and lifts his head a bit. Charles’ eyes watch him unmoving, unreadable, the blue color seems a little grey.

“What is it, Charles? Talk to me, stay with me. You will always stay with me from now on. Am I right? Say something, don’t stay silent. You’re hurting me, if you are like this. Won’t you show me a little love? Or at least move your chessmen. I can do it for you, too. Shall I? You just have to say where to. At least they are still magnetic, aren’t they? Not like your wheelchair. Why that? You are afraid of me? You don’t have to. I love you, I would never hurt you. But you still stay silent. Nothing can really move you and your goddamn heart, right? Do you have a heart of stone? I don’t believe it. I looked for your heart, wanted to make it mine, but it’s warm and red, just like any usual human heart. You’re not exclusive, not special. Just a usual heart. Are you disappointed? Or is it a mask? Did you pretend to love everybody, but can’t feel anything at all? Do you want to be the hero so much? To be good? How is it?”

Erik reaches down. Down to the red mess on Charles’ chest and lap. He grabs the heart, lying   
there, still warm, but not moving, not pumping anymore.

“See? It looks usual.”

Erik lifts the dead heart, holds it in front of Charles’ pale face.

“You’re surprised? Thought it would be something special? You are special. For me. But you never noticed, never acted like you knew. But you knew, right? After all you are a telepath. You’ve read my mind once, you’ve surely done it again. How could you see my feelings and not react at all? How could you send me away, knowing how much I wanted to stay with you? And why couldn’t you dismiss your ideals and stay with me? Perhaps I would have dismissed mine, too. We could have lived a happy life. Shawn is dead, he does not concern me anymore. Why did you? Why?”

Erik turns around, lets go of Charles’ face. It’s falling over, the chin meeting the chest. Pale to blood, eyes grey and wide. But he doesn’t look surprised, more sad and it disappoints Erik.

“You have no right to be sad, do you? I’m the rejected one, I’m the broken one. I had nothing, except for you. And you? You had everything. Didn’t you notice me and my wants? Wasn’t it important enough for you? I just thought ... AH, forget it, forget it.”

Erik stands at the window, watching Charles’ reflection at the glass. The kids are still screaming, even sobbing. But they are more quiet now. A few must have given up, haven’t they? Why do they scream anyway? He’s as much concerned for Charles, as they are.   
He’s so quiet, so pale, hasn’t made a move for a long time. The chessmen are waiting for him. But they can wait for an eternity. They have time.  
Erik too. No one will disturb them, will rip them apart. This time they’ll stay together.

“Right, Charles? Together forever? I can’t loose you as well. It just can’t happen. So don’t be sad, I’ll be with you, I’ll protect you.” Slowly Erik goes back to Charles, tender lifting his chin again.  
“You’re pale.”, he worries.  
“Have I surprised you so much with my confession? I’m sorry. So please don’t get sick. Take care of yourself. Or let me take care of you. I’m good at it, I promise. So don’t get sick.” Slowly he kisses the cold lips. They are still a little smooth, but still not moving, not giving a response.

“Why won’t you respond? You told me, you love me, didn’t you? DIDN’T YOU?” Erik presses the skin hard with his hand, the gaze fixed on these eyes. “You want me to leave? I can’t! I won’t!”

He kisses him again, feeling tears coming down.  
Then he hugs Charles, buries his face in the stiff shoulder and neck. He nearly feels hands on his back, but that must be his imagination. Would Charles after all this mess still love him?  
He gets back a little bit, caressing the skin of his beloved one.

“You want us to go together? To leave together?” Erik smiles. A bit. “I’ll go wherever you go, I promise.” He picks up the heart again. “You gave me yours, so I’ll give you mine. You’ve always had it, you know? You’ve stolen it like a little boy, not telling me how to survive without this heart. I didn’t miss it, thought I didn’t have one anymore. Thought Shawn had ripped it already. But it was hidden and you found it. You kept it like a thief, not letting me go, keeping it all for yourself. You can have it. Because now, I have yours.”

Erik kneels down, placing his hands full of blood, on the legs of the other mutant. “I’ll care for you.” He pulls out the knife, which is still inside of Charles’ chest.  
Blood.  
Blood.  
Blo...

The screaming gets louder, a door breaks, steps, people.  
Erik just sees the knife and the blood.  
Blood?  
Oh, right, he killed Charles.  
He even paralyzed Charles.  
And he killed Charles again.

The realization hits him through, leaves him gaping for air. But he can’t get any air anymore.  
He’s dying.  
Again he looks at this pale face, eyes blue again.

“I love you.”

End


End file.
